we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
