your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
