how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
