I got chris browned last night
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sarcasm needs its own font
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
