i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
