Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
