I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
North Korea, Best Korea!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
