So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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