Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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