if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
