i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
