She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
