He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
