be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
