If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
