No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
