It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
