This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
