Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
