I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
