The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
