And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
