Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
