i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
