The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
