Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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