I didn't shave. On purpose
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
