So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
