His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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