Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Welp...herpes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
