hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
