yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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