ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i now understand why vodka
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
