it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone came in the potted fern
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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