No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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