I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you would pick up someone in the library
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
