Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
