Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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