you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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