I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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