doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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