tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
