it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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