Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
