Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
