i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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