Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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