dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
