hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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