Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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