i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
