dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
