i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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