Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
